I want to apologize to the people who may be reading along my day-to-day.
I was totally and most regrettably indisposed with someone all last night.

This is for September the 21st, in the year of 2013. The time is 11:46am.

~Settling uneasily into the back of the headboard, the girl shivers, sending flakes of immolating skin up towards the sky.

Mouth gapes open to let a soundless scream of overwhelming pain.

Fire is her voice, ashes are her words.

So with fingers of ice she proceeds to unveil the past day~

I really love blueberries and brie cheese and french bread with garlic oil.

I could eat these things for all eternity and never tire from them.

I  of course love other food as well, but those just stand out.

Though I'm as stated before, partial to Korean/Swedish/Japanese and French food/

On another note, I also continue to realize that I should just stay away from actual human contact.

I don't know how to act and it's extremely awkward.

Yesterday was a long night, full of failed job searching.

What I mean is that I went over and over to certain jobs pestering them for a job.

Most of them told me to wait, others said they had hired...

More rejection...

It never ends.

I then had a "acquaintance" I met online/e-hanged out for a week or so.

We met up and we went out.

He was nice, but the longer I spent him, the quicker I wanted to disappear into nothing.

He tried so hard to offer words of support and care, but I realized that they were hitting a wall.

A wall of regret, embedded with a growing stubborn rage.

He then rented a overpriced inn, took me out to eat and then we proceeded to have sex.

Trust me when I say this.

If I could scrub my skin and soul I would.

It wasn't his fault directly, so many complicated signals were firing off.

I blame myself for letting it get to that.

I suppose I just wanted to feel loved and such, but it seemed we did it out of a unspoken duty.

As if some god of distasteful lust had dug his nails into my brain then proceeded to use me like a puppet.

In a foolish dance of wants, hopes and desires.

Throughout our time, I bounced back and forth between bouts of regret and deep, unrelenting depression.

We slept together, like actual sleep, to be honest it was strange.

Like sleeping with a friend you haven't seen in a long time.

Not the familiar feeling of reconnecting ties, but one with rough ends and smothering embraces.

There on I drifted off into a helpless, uneasy slumber.
The rest of time was spent on this blog, avoiding me mum and trying to figure out what the fuck to do tomorrow.

||Memory: When even children Die||

I remember being seven years old.

The world was big, perhaps even too big for such a small little alien like me.

The pavement was hot from the early July sun as I ran across it, barefoot and foolish.

There was a game of kickball going across the streets.

A ball would be kicked, then only to slide under a car across said street.

Being a smart alien child, I would look both ways.

Once I saw that nothing was coming, I passed.

I cannot recall much, other then blackness that reached it's hand out and stole my awareness.

Awaking to the sounds of crying, I opened my eyes.

They felt like they weighed the world.

All around me, people stood, having converged onto the scene like a pack of hungry vultures.

Would they see a child die this day?

As the blood poured from my crushed in skull, I laid there and wondered what exactly was happening.

Images skipped, chugging at certain intervals.

Where blackness stained the reel of thought and I fell deeper into the reservoir of infinite void.

Slipping past the void, I broke into the realm to which all life is alive.

At first I was there, standing, watching my own mother sob in the back of the ambulance.

Covered in my innocent blood, I felt nothing.

I could only watch in curiosity, as the scene unfolded itself around me.

Hovering, I seeped higher into the sky, were warm golden light kissed my skin.

It was as if I was tethered  to the ambulance, remaining linked to the body that lie within it's container of mercy.

The cord tugged and directed me along the journey.

I don't recall much of what happened next, but felt that it was okay to let the tether fade.

I could hear a buzzing sound and a zap over and over, then blackness.

The next month or so was filled with blackouts and loosely tied memories.

Family showering me with gifts and attention, meeting another sick boy, learning now to walk again...

 Quote of the Day

"When all light fades.

Darkness comes and unfolds.

Embracing me within it's leathery wings.

Then silence comes rushing in. 

To replace the sound that once was My beating heart."

Song of the Day

Death In June - Black Little Angel

Photo of the Day

Dedicated to T. I love you.

Mood of the Day

Used.

Expressive Post of the Day

Addled Tongues

Between the signals.

Of love and hate.

Lie the infinite truth.

Of lust and distaste.

Where misery converges with destiny.

A broken vow.

Stretched across the crooked sky.

Like an arrow of trust.

It will fall fast.

Into the heart of the weary.

With a spoken kiss.

A soft hand into the heart.

The wet warmth of desire.

Finally unveiled.

Its symphony deconstructed.

And its mystery uncloaked.

To the sound of quickened breath.

Flesh tones of silk and snow.

The rhythm of a endless gesture

Penetrated deep into the soul.

To repair or to chase the fated one.

She travels the sharp glass sands.

The trail of her pathway clear.

But with each step she takes.

The will to go on dims.

A restless love.

Persevering as the heroine.

Endless song of atrophy.

Under the baking sun.

A heart withstands the pressure.

Of a supernova charged fate.

A cataclysmic eruption of hands embracing

The destiny now met.

The ever painful journey of tears.

Comes to rest within his cheek.

The smile that affirms everything.

Cascading lips that tumble the final secret.

Sweetened with the intensity of their war.

A battle of ones own blight.

Bitter waters cleansed from thine eyes.

With a gentle finger stroke.

They have remedied the curse.

The curse of damnation.

He groaned "Forever"

With a delicate snap of limbs.

A reply from within mingled flesh

"Forever"

So they both called unto moonlight.

Stealing the skies stars.

For each other they lived forever.

RIP T.
My friend, my ear and open heart.
09/15(?)/2013